


In Her Eyes

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Talk of Rape, talk of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	1. Chapter 1

Sitting on the bench at the park, you watched your three year old daughter play. Saying she was unplanned was an understatement. Seeing that positive pregnancy test broke you. That year had already thrown you curve ball after curve ball.

The fall before, you and Dean had split up. It wasn’t what you wanted, but you were in such a bad place that nothing was what you wanted. A few months after, you met a nice guy at work. He was sweet, had amazing blue eyes, was a gamer, and was great with kids. Which was a bonus, as you had a son. Your son met him at work one afternoon and instantly liked him. He made you feel young again. Your son was born when you were just twenty, and while Dean was an excellent father, you felt lost. You’d never give up having your son, but you missed what you were supposed to be doing in your early twenties.

Alex gave you that.

You were together six months before he broke it off. He wasn’t ready to be a father figure. Which made no sense to you, but you’d nodded and wished him the best. The two of you remained friends. Barely.

Life seemed to spiral down hill after that. Old habits hit you hard. Old insecurities. You’d turned back to cutting, turned back to hating yourself. Needing something, you’d started talking to a couple guys online.

One seemed to be a great guy. He came over and watched movies with you, the two of you had a good time, laughed, and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Needing acceptance, and to feel wanted, you gave in when he wanted to sleep together.

After that, he barely spoke to you. You felt like an idiot, told yourself that you got what you deserved. You picked yourself up, the best you could, and tried to forget about him.

A man named Rich messaged you one day. You were wary, remembering what had recently happened. Nothing seemed off. He would call you and the two of you would chat. He’d text you all the time, and he talked about things that he’d love to do with you and your son- camping, fishing, etc. He told you he was in the military, and you had seen pictures of him in uniform. He’d never been married, and had no kids.

After a couple months, he came over. You’d planned to watch a movie, but that movie never happened. As soon as your front door was shut, he pulled you in for a kiss. You were taken off guard, but welcomed it. He’d made you believe he cared about you, that he wanted to be with you.

You pulled away and smiled at him, looking into his blue eyes. “Hi.” You breathed.

“Hi.” He grinned.

Even years later, how you got to your room was a blur. What happened after haunted you. He had you on your bed, kissing you, and pulling off your clothes. You told yourself that it was okay, but it didn’t feel right. You asked him to slow down, but he didn’t. Soon, you were both naked. You were scared of what would happen if you angered him. Angering men was something you’d always feared.

His lips were on your neck as he thrust into you. Your mind was screaming stop, but your body reacted. When he pulled his lips away, you looked up at him, your cheeks on fire. “Can you at least use a condom?” You asked quietly.

“Soon.” He told you, still thrusting in to you.

That fear consumed you, took over. You held back the tears, having been taught not to cry. Your fingers dug in his back as a reaction, him thinking you wanted more.

“Come here, baby.” He smirked, laying on his back.

You were shaking slightly. “_Please _use a condom.” You asked.

“I’m not close to cumming. I will.” He pulled you to him.

Doing as he asked, you kept your eyes closed. You had no idea how long he had you like that. How long he moved your hips against him.

Hearing him groan, you opened your eyes. “On your knees.” He told you.

“Condom.” Your voice was weak, broken. You knew what his answer would be. You knew it, and you still tried.

Rich got behind you, thrusting into you without a word. Despite him thrusting into you, you gripped the sheets and kept asking him to stop and use a condom. Your voice was getting weaker and weaker. You felt worse and worse. He came, buried deep inside you.

Less than 20 minutes later, he was out the door. You convinced yourself that you’d just slept with a friend. That there was nothing wrong with that. You didn’t think of the events of that night for what it was.

You and Dean worked things out and got back together a few days after. You pushed the events of that night from your mind, and focused on your relationship.

A week past, and you felt off. Assuming it was your period being due, you brushed it off. The day it was supposed to come came and went with very little spotting. In your gut, you knew what was wrong. One day after work, Dean dropped you and your son off at Target to get ‘get something for dinner’, and he went home to sleep for work that night. With your toddler son in the cart, you bought a pregnancy test.

You knew that you should have waited until the next morning, but you _had _to know. It was very faint, but it was there. 13 days after Rich walked in your front door, you saw that positive pregnancy test. You texted your best friends as you sobbed, hand over your mouth. You were convinced that Dean would leave you now. There was no way he’d raise another man’s kid.

It took all the courage in your body to wake him up, and tell him that you were pregnant. He held you while you cried, and said it would be okay. After much talking, the two of you decided that he was going to be the baby’s daddy. He was going to sign the birth certificate, as you would never talk to Rich again.

The first couple months of your pregnancy was a roller coaster. You landed in the ER due to massive bleeding, and it killed you. While you hated how the baby had been conceived, seeing Dean light up gave you hope. Thankfully, the baby was okay.

When you were 4 months pregnant, you found out that Rich lied. Not only was he married, but the night that he came to your house, he had a 2 month old son at home. Alex cut all ties with you, severing the only friendship besides Dean that you had. You curled into a ball, arms around your small bump, and cried.

Your due date came, and went. In the end, you needed a c-section, as there was no amniotic fluid. When she came out, there was no crying. The cord had been wrapped around her neck three times. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, there it was. The tiny, preemie size little girl, had one hell of a set of lungs.

At 6 pounds and 11 ounces, she had Dean wrapped around her tiny finger from the moment he saw her. His eyes lit up for his little girl.

After three days, you, your daughter, your son, and Dean were home. Things went smoothly. You didn’t think of Rich, or that night.

When she was 18 months, you told Dean the truth. It had been hitting you hard, looking into her blue eyes every day, and seeing them look more and more like his. He supported you, and thanked him for telling him. It explained why for so long after you got back together any sort of touching would freak you out. You couldn’t sleep if he was touching you, holding hands was brief, and you didn’t kiss him for 4 months.

Most days was fine. Most days that night didn’t play over and over in your head. But, when it did, your chest would tighten, your cheeks would burn, and your eyes would water. It wasn’t like you could ever forget. Every day when you looked into her eyes, you were looking into his. You loved your daughter, and wouldn’t trade her for anything, but you wished that she was a result of your love with Dean. He never treated her different. She was his little girl.

“You okay?” You heard Dean ask as he sat down, handing you your drink.

You gave him a smile. “Just amazed at how far she’s come since coming home in a preemie sized outfit.” He laughed and nodded. “You’d never know by looking at her.”

He put his arm around you and kissed your temple. “Maybe that’s why she has such a big personality?” He joked.

You’d be okay. That night would run through your mind out of nowhere, but you had Dean. You had two amazing kids, a dog, and you were hundreds of miles from Rich.


	2. The Anniversary

“She looks just like her daddy.”

“Awe, she has his smile.”

You knew they meant well. You knew that’s what people said. You knew that they couldn’t have guessed the truth.

That didn’t mean it didn’t cut like every single time you heard phrases like that. They echoed in your mind, only making it harder to forget his face. All you wanted was to erase that night from your memory, and you never would. All you could do was wake up every day, and live your life.

All the while he was happy with his family, you were living a never ending nightmare.

* * *

With tears prickling your eyes, you let out a breath. “I feel like I’m being constantly punished!” You were pacing your living room, on the phone with your best friend. “It’s like…Some sick fuck up there was like ‘you know what? Sure, she’s raising her rapist’s kid, why not give her a major issue with listening!’.” Sitting on your couch, you let out a half sob, half chuckle. “How is it fair that I’m the victim, and yet I’m still paying for his actions all this time later?” You breathed.

“You’re not being punished, sweetie.” Your best friend said gently. “You need a break, that’s all. She’s got a strong personality, just like you do, and that can be hard to deal with in such a small package.” She pointed out. “How about I come over this weekend and we can have a drink and get your mind off of all this?”

Licking your lips, you nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. “The anniversary is coming up.” You said in just above a whisper.

“That can’t be helping at all.”

“It’s not. It’s really not.”

* * *

Dean came in to see you lounging in the living room in a pair of baggy lounge pants, an oversized shirt, and drinking a bottle of beer. “Babe?” He raised an eyebrow, knowing this wasn’t like you.

Looking over you gave him a small smile before looking back at the tv. “You’re out of beer, by the way.” You told him, taking a swig.

“Wh-how?” He asked, glancing to the kitchen. “I was gone three days! There were two 12 packs in there.”

You held up the mostly gone beer in your hand. “I got thirsty.” You said sarcastically.

Dean gave you a bored look. “You got thirsty?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “So you drank 24 beers in three days?”

“Yup.” You popped your ‘p’ before downing the last of your drink. “Awe. I’m out.” You pouted. “Oh well…” Sighing, you placed it on the side table and curled up on your side.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently, worried. “Is it because both kids are in school now? At least she’s the only one more likely to get into trouble…?”

You shook your head, sniffing as he came and sat by you. “No.” You moved so that you were curled into his side. “It’s coming up…” You clung to him.

It took him a minute, causing him to furrow his brows. “W…OH!” He held you close. “I’m here for you, babe.” He rubbed your back, knowing that nothing he could say would change how chaotic your mind was at the moment.

“I know.” You smiled sadly. “Just hold me.” 

* * *

Pulling your daughter’s hair up into a ponytail, you did your best not to tug it too hard. You froze when you looked in the mirror at her and her eyes locked with yours. His face flashed through your mind for a split second. “Mommy?” She asked, confused. “You done?”

“No, baby. Sorry. Mommy spaced out.” You smiled at her, quickly finishing her hair and kissing the top of her head. “Beautiful.”

“I know!” She giggled. “Thank you.” She grinned, striking poses in the mirror. “Scholl time?”

You nodded, helping her off the chair she was on. “School time. Go get Daddy.”

She didn’t have to be told twice, taking off down the hall. “DADDY!” She yelled. “SCHOOL TIME!”

Taking a deep breath, you composed yourself and followed her.

* * *

“Babe?!” Dean’s voice snapped you from your thoughts. “You’ve been washing that plate for awhile now.”

Looking down, you blushed. “Yeah, sorry, I think I’m, uh, gonna lay down.” You gave him a sad smile, not wanting to voice how you just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for a long time. How you just wanted to shut your mind off.

Dean nodded, kissing your cheek. “I’ll finish these up. Get some sleep.” he told you gently, knowing that you hadn’t been sleeping well, or long, during the night. As he watched you go, he felt his anger and helplessness grow. There was nothing that he could do to make your pain stop. He didn’t know the man’s name. He didn’t know what the man really looked like. All he knew was what you had told him, and what he’d figured out over the years.

_Your grip tightened on his shirt as you stood in the gas station trying to decide what you wanted to drink. “I-I need to get out of here. I don’t care what you get me.”_

_“What? What’s wrong?” He followed your terrified gaze to the door. A group of about 10-15 men in military uniform came in. “Here.” Dean handed you the keys. “I got this.”_

_You looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. “Thanks, babe. Can you walk me to the door?’ You felt silly for asking, but they were closer to the door than you’d like._

_“Of course.”_

After that, he was naturally hyper aware of men in military uniforms when you were together. He knew to distract you, and hopefully you wouldn’t see them. Leaning his hands on the sink, he took a deep breath and shook his head. All he could do was help you live your life, day by day.


End file.
